There have been a lot of these lists going around, and they're all true. But mine is more true (because I said so and I'm pregnant and do you really want to argue with a pregnant woman in her third trimester?!) because I'm living it ... IN A HOTEL.
1. They spill things. EVERYWHERE.
I honestly don't know how toddlers are so inept. Miss O likes to spill things like juice riiiiiiight beside the laptop as she watches Paw Patrol for the millionth time (so mommy can watch Food Network on TV) but then not tell me until I come over to clean up and notice that there is a little splotch of dried up OJ roughly millimetres away from the HDMI-in plug.
2. They eat things off the floor.
There's no 5-second rule in this house - erm, hotel. There's a "Miss O noticed it on the floor so she's going to eat it" rule. On one hand, I'm okay with it because she's building immunities with all the floor germs she's eating AND this hotel is relatively new so there's logically not as many gross germs on there. On the other hand, GROSS HOTEL FLOOR. Last night she dropped some popcorn on the floor (see the above point) and then she hopped down from her chair and proceeded to eat it off the floor. Literally. As in, she acted like a puppy dog and had her mouth almost suctioned to the hotel carpet like one of those scum suckers you see in a fish tank. And like the winning mother I am, I ignored it and asked if the popcorn was good.
3. They're loud.
The concept of "inside voice" is completely lost on a 2 year old. Her whispers sound like the normal level that I talk at, and her normal level of talking is that of a screaming banshee. When we're at home, I could care less about how loud she is because our windows are closed and you can't really hear anything between the shared walls (unless you're our douchebag former neighbours who blast their music/TV so loud the glasses shake in the cabinet). Plus, it seems like she just wasn't as loud. At the hotel, however, it's like we're stuck in an eternal tunnel and everything echoes. She was coming back from breakfast this morning with my husband and I could hear her from down the hallway, laughing and screaming joyfully as she ran to our door. Sorry, hotel neighbours. My kid has no volume control.
4. They watch shitty TV shows.
Bros watch shit like reality TV or NASCAR or whatever. Toddlers watch shit like Caillou and Dora. OH MY FUCKING LORD do I hate Caillou. It is not allowed on in our house (or hotel) even though it's on Netflix. We went through phases of Super Why!, Bubble Guppies, and now it's Paw Patrol. I get why they're liked by kids... they're easy to watch, there's catchy music, and the characters are roughly the same size as a toddler. But fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck I don't know how much more I can take.
5. They wipe their mouth/nose/hand on whatever is handy.
Miss O likes to use her own clothes. If she gets food on her finger, rather than licking it off or wiping it on a cloth nearby, she'll just wipe it on her shirt and then alert me RIGHT AWAY that there's something on her shirt that needs to be cleaned off before she can continue eating. She's come up to me after I've gotten dressed and ready for work, and wiped her face on my shirt for no reason. And I was equally running late and too lazy to change my shirt, so I went to work with peanut butter smeared on it #likeaboss
6. They're both picky and not picky at the same time.
Bros will pretend to be pretentious sometimes and require that their steak be ONLY prime rib, but then they'll eat a hot dog from a random cart by the bar and proclaim it's the best thing they've ever eaten. Toddlers are the same way. Miss O will have moments of not wanting to eat anything that we put in front of her, even if it's something we know that she's loved before, but then we plop a peanut butter sandwich in front of her and it's like it was covered in gold. She's even gone so far as to proclaim things as " so 'licious" which is both adorable and baffling.
7. They're okay to sit in dirty undergarments.
Okay. So this one might have a bit to do with parents slacking on diaper changes - for toddlers. Bros can just be lazy. After picking up Miss O from daycare, there are a lot of times that we just don't think to check her diaper or change it before bedtime comes some 5 hours later. Then we go to change it and it's like oh man.... that is one full diaper. With bros, there's no way I'm touching their undergarments wearing a hazmat suit.
8. They can nap at any time.
This does change throughout the years, but Miss O can take a nap in the afternoon pretty much anywhere. She fell asleep at my parent's house on the couch and it was darn near impossible to wake her up, even though she decided 5pm was the good time to sleep. When she was smaller, she would take more naps pretty much whenever she felt it necessary, even if we had shit to do. Come to think of it, this point applies to my husband as well. That guy can fall asleep at any time and it drives me absolutely bonkers. Further to this, they talk in their sleep. I would have made this a point all on it's own, but... oh well.
9. Their mood can flip from amiable to angry in an instant.
Sure, with bros, their moods flip based on alcohol consumption. Toddler's change based on a number of things. It could be hungry, thirsty, bored, full diaper, you're not paying enough attention to them... the list goes on. Miss O will go from playful to shouting at me in the matter of minutes if I decide that I've had enough of her jumping all over me and ask her to stop. Seriously though, toddlers have pointy elbows and knees and when you combine that with a pregnant baby belly, it gets dangerous. But she doesn't care about that, all she cares about is playing.
10. They're adorable at the weirdest times.
Sometimes, you just can't help hugging a bro. Their lost, absent look sometimes just strikes a chord and makes you go "awwww". I have that moment with my toddler, but usually it's when she's being nice. Such as sitting nicely and watching her shows quietly. That makes me want to just smoosh her with hugs. But then she tries to get away and we start the cycle of number 9 all over again.
Even though most of you knew that toddlers and bros were alike, you try dealing with all of the above in the confines of a small hotel room and then get back to me. Maybe a bro would actually help do the fucking dishes once in awhile...
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