Sometimes, It's Just Too Much

What a weighted subject heading. It could seem maudlin, melodramatic, depressed, or literal. I mean it both literally and I guess figuratively.

The one gripe I have with pregnancy right now is my body's inability to do everything that I used to be able to with no problem. I could spend the day filing and actually doing my job or I could spend an hour putting up Christmas decorations without so much as an achy hip. Now? I have to lay on the couch for the rest of the evening because I hurt everywhere. I get the lovely round ligament pains with the occasional random twang elsewhere, and my back and hips ache like I'm a bedridden 100-year-old. It's absolute garbage. I was getting so much better at life pre-pregnancy, and then all of a sudden I turn a complete 180 and suck at everyday everything.

Woe is me, right?

The figurative 'Too Much' is just with the amount of emotional upheaval dealt to me this year. Wait, that sounds a little too contrite. What I mean is, the emotional upheaval indirectly dealt to me. The horrible thing about getting older is that you are going to be around death a lot more often. You always hope (or pray) that it's not your friends because you're just way too young to be dealt that card. But it just seems like lately, everyone I know has had someone close to them pass away. Me specifically, it was my Gramma and then my friend's 1-year-old son almost immediately after. That was just too much for me to deal with at that time. This year has also taken two of my husband's great-relatives within a week, a new friend's in-utero baby and potentially themselves (said new friend is currently in the hospital in the high risk wing because they don't know what is wrong with her), and just recently an old friend's fiance to the bitter battle of cancer. Why can't I just be a teenager again, where I wasn't directly affected by any of this?

Husband told me tonight that for every sad story I tell him, I have to follow it up with a funny one. And how bad is it that I couldn't think of any off the top of my head? My day was filled with crappy ones - starting with some a-hole parking in my reserved stall at work so I had to park in the overflow lot which is another 3 blocks away, then work being so boring I wanted to gouge my eyes out, and then 1 hour of Christmas decorating at work is apparently too much for my pregnant body, then finding out about friend's fiance and new friend's hospital stay. Oh wait, I guess the funny story was me backdoor bragging about how judgmental my family is. That counts, right?

I guess I'll round out this post with some pregnancy updates and then sign off:

- 21 weeks today
- I feel like an achy tired mess, and my toddler doesn't understand why I can't lift her up anymore
- Easter Bunny (as husband has decided it shall be named) was being a turkey during the ultrasound last week and we couldn't determine gender nor could we get a look at their face or heart. So I get to go back for another ultrasound. Yay, I guess?
- Somehow the cold is breaking through my increased internal temperature and I find myself cold more often. I don't know if this is a good thing yet.